,,,, on the brightside

Well, I'm officially a nurse! I received my first job yesterday and things are starting to look up :)The NCLEX was a nightmare, and studying for it was even worse!! I had a horrible cancer scare the month leading up to my exam and was unable to study, being paralyzed in fear of what was going to happen to me. Thankfully that's all it was, was a scare I'm for the most part healthy and very grateful for it! I've done alot of thinking and I've begun an inventory of what is in my life at the moment. On further evaluation, I realized there is alot of toxic waste that needs to be disposed of, ranging from relationships to unhealthy habits. "Values determine your convictions, conflict tests your faith and detours test our callings.." Steve Snook Pastor Metro Church, Santa Monica, Ca. " "The purpose of testing is to purify us.." , also by the same pastor. I took these words to heart because they really rang true to me in what I've succumb to these past 8 yrs since moving away from home. As the good word says "Blessed is the man who persevered after trial..". Well I hope I am that person, I feel like a different person. I've done alot of growing this year, it was mostly pushed on me but I'm finally deciding on who I want to be. I had left my values that my parents had instilled in me behind, but I now find strength in them and will stubbornly live by them no matter what. I've once again gained self respect and have found the pride that was once taken from me from someone who deserved little if any of my time or love, and is the first of many to be removed from my life for good. I'm thankful to God for all he's given me, including the tests I've been through. I'm thankful for the health of my family and son, and for having them all in my life. :)

NCLEX

I'm hours away from my big day and i feel completely unprepared. I've been bogged down with health issues and sometimes i wish i would've postponed this, but I have to do what i have to do. I leave it up to God, but i know i could've done a better job of preparing myself for this. I'm restless and unable to sleep, pray is all i can do now....

Happiness Around the World

Thanks to my friend Cheri Haynes for sending me this link/email this morning and helping me smile. I received a health scare exactly a week today and I'm not certain of my future and have found very little reasons to smile, but this certainly did put a smile on my face. I 'm sharing this with all of you, hope you enjoy it! Much love, peace and happiness!

Susana

http://www.vimeo.com/1211060

"Living Alone Is Hard" The Bigger Picture by Mindy Kaling

I read this this morning and found it hilarious and in parts true.....enjoy

"Living Alone Is Hard
(Kelly Kapoor on The Office)Add this page to favoritesBy Mindy Kaling
More from Marie Claire

Here's a true story about me: I keep a plastic bottle of water near my bed at night so I can stay hydrated. Hydration is the key to great skin and being thin and lots of life's other happinesses, according to the many, many women's health magazines I subscribe to. So, one night, I drank a big gulp of water from my water bottle, turned off the light, and went to sleep, very pleased with myself. In the middle of the night, I heard a gunshot and immediately peed my pants. Well, to be accurate, I peed my pajamas. For those of you who haven't had the experience of peeing yourself, it's not just for children and the elderly. It can happen to anyone who is terrified and thinks that they will be murdered shortly. Well, it wasn't a gunshot. It was an indentation in my plastic water bottle un-indenting itself, loudly. It made a loud, plastic-y crack,, which I mistook for a gunshot. When I realized this, I felt relief ... then a deep foolishness. Living alone is hard. Don't get me wrong, living alone can be wonderful. I listen to the same Jordin Sparks song on repeat and no one tells me how irritating that is. I don't have to wear deodorant. I can wear granny underpants, my hair can be stringy, and I can eat directly from containers. I have autonomy. I'm like a Lost Boy from Peter Pan. Since I have to be in makeup at 6 a.m. every morning for work, having no one see me when I get home is an amazing freedom. Also, by not having a roommate, I avoid friendship-ending arguments about house messiness (to be accurate, about how I am largely responsible for the house messiness).But since I'm a chatty, tactile person, it can also get incredibly lonely. When my New York–based boyfriend, Ben, is in town, this solves a lot of loneliness problems. But not danger problems. Ben is great, but he looks like a thinner version of Beck (himself a pretty skinny dude), so he's not a huge insurance policy against prowlers. Since I moved into my house, I've had some massive fraidy-cat moments almost daily — people knocking on my door to welcome me to the neighborhood, children trying to sell me magazines or cookies or get me to sign something. So I've had to become a little more brave. Mostly I pretend I'm Jodie Foster in Panic Room. Or Jodie Foster in any movie. Jodie Foster is always single-handedly fending off baddies. I also learned two key self-defense moves, about which I'm not going to go into detail lest people learn my secrets (hint: One involves groin damage, the other, arm-socket damage). Last, I bought a deafening alarm for my key chain, which I've set off when riffling through my purse, and it scares the living crap out of me, so I'm confident it will work in a time of duress. As frightening as it can be, I treasure my time alone. Why? I can be as self-interested as I please. I'm 29, and as I feel myself drifting toward marriage and kids, I'll look back on this time as a delicious, tiny window where I got to do whatever I wanted. Including, as it turns out, peeing my pajamas in terror. "

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

My playlist

I'm so excited! I added a new playlist to my blog and most of these songs mean something to me, but alot of them i also just like to listen to, enjoy!!

25 to 35 yr old women

I had an interesting conversation with an old friend of mine this evening, and it got me thinking.... in the past few yrs i've pretty much "lost" contact with a few girlfriends and as time goes by the numbers keep growing... the stories are all the same, somehow out of the blue its no longer necessary to be polite... no phone call, "sorry can't make it to the plans we'd made this evening..." or even better, making plans going out and leaving early because their "real" plans are for later... it's kind of sad when i think about it really. I link it back to the fact that at the age group i'm at, most girls/women are in a frantic search for "the one", be it "that one boyfriend" or "husband" they feel they need to fulfill their lives at this point and time... i weirdly (i guess) am not in that mode, in that frantic search... a few different reasons could be to blame with me not sharing this obsession that they all have.... i have been married, happily once and unhappily the other (if the second one even counted... strong suspicion that one went to the "other side").... i started out young 18 to be exact (take that look off your face i'm from Tx, that's what we do!).... i found it hard to be faithful to either spouse and i found it even more difficult to find myself committing to someone for the REST OF MY LIFE!! So scary when you think of it!! I don't come from a disfunctional family either, my parents have been happily married for over 33 yrs!! Back to my friends, i wonder if once they are in the shoes i was once in before, if they will change their mind about this obsession with "happily ever after"... i do sound a bit synical i agree, but i find i've saved myself alot of time.... the life they have lived so far i have lived in reverse (having my mid life crisis at 23 not 43 running off w/ a younger man)... and i have the rest of my youth to enjoy my life, my career and my freedom to pick as i choose and not frantically settling for fear my time is almost up!!